The Cheltenham grandmother facing execution in Bali has spoken from death row, saying she is ready to die by firing squad.
Speaking from her cell in the notorious Kerobokan prison, Lindsay Sandiford told The Mail on Sunday: "I would rather have the death sentence than a life sentence.
"I don't want to get old and decrepit in here . . . at least a bullet is quick."
The 56-year-old's extraordinary plea came after her appeal against her sentence was rejected on Monday, a decision which has been roundly condemned as "bizarre and unjust".
Sandiford, who used in live in Hester's Way and Warden Hill, was arrested last May after flying to Bali from Bangkok carrying 10.6lb of cocaine, worth £1.6 million.
In the interview – conducted through intermediaries at the prison – she said: "I've got arthritis now.
"What will I be like in ten years' time when I can't walk?
"Sometimes I think, 'Let them get on with it.' I have had a lot of fun in my life. I've been to a lot of places, done a lot of things and I've met a lot of interesting people.
"I've got no regrets. I could be dying of cancer or something horrible and prolonged."
After her arrest, Sandiford co-operated with police in a sting operation that led to the capture of the conspiracy's alleged ringleaders. But while she was sentenced to death in January, three other Britons – Julian Ponder, 43, Paul Beale, 40, and Ponder's partner Rachel Dougall, 38 – who were said to have organised the shipment, were jailed only for up to six years.
Trafficking charges against Ponder and Beale were dropped and they were sentenced to six and four years respectively for possession of drugs, while Dougall is due to walk free next month after a one-year term for failing to report a crime.
Sandiford's appeal to Bali's High Court against her sentence was rejected despite written pleas from the Foreign Office and former Director of Public Prosecutions Lord Macdonald, who described the discrepancies in sentencing as "unfathomable".
Sandiford, who is originally from Redcar, Teesside, passes her time on death row – where sweltering temperatures reach 95F – knitting jumpers for friends and family back home.
And despite the crushing High Court rejection, she says she doesn't want any sympathy.
"What I did was wrong and I should be punished for it," she said.
"But I cooperated with the police, and I should get the lowest sentence. Legally, morally – any way you look at it, it is just wrong.
"When I cooperated with the police, they told me I was going into witness protection and that Interpol would look after my boys. They just lied to me.
"Telling the truth doesn't help here because you just get the death penalty. I helped the Indonesian police. The next person who gets caught isn't going to say anything."
Ironically, the High Court ruling cites as a reason for upholding the death penalty the fact that Sandiford was involved in an international drug smuggling operation with other expatriates – yet it makes no mention of the light sentences given to her co-conspirators. And shockingly, Sandiford's family in Britain learnt of the rejection of her appeal on television news in the UK before she or her lawyer knew, thanks to the decision being leaked by court officials to local journalists.
"The whole world knew before I knew," she said.
"I got a message from my son Eliot saying, 'They are all b******s.' I replied, 'What are you on about, son?'
"When I spoke to him, he was crying his heart out and my family was distraught. It was all over the morning news in the UK but no one had thought to tell me."
Later on Monday, Sandiford was sent a text message from the British embassy's local representative in Bali confirming the news.
It was in stark contrast to the chaotic January day when the judge handed down the death sentence. Recalling the day, she described how those around her appeared to be more upset and shocked than she was.
"The judge read out the decision in Indonesian and my translator didn't tell me what the sentence was. I thought I had got 15 years [the prosecution's recommendation],' she said.'
"There were newspaper reports afterwards saying that I cried and that I shouted 'no, no, no' when the sentence was delivered.
"In fact, it was the prosecutor who was crying and it was my sister Hilary who shouted out.
As I went out of the court, the prosecutor had his arm around me and he was pushing reporters away and he kept saying, "I'm so sorry."
It was a BBC reporter who told me I had the death penalty.
"I just thought, 'Oh bloody hell. Have I really got death?' It was only later on that I thought, 'How did that happen?'"
In the days that followed, Sandiford was prescribed Valium and sleeping pills by the prison doctor at Kerobokan.
What I couldn't stand was the look on people's faces," she said. "Nobody could look at me and no one knew what to say to me.
"I wanted someone to make a joke. That's what I really wanted. But people had no idea what to say or they say completely the wrong thing."
Sandiford initially decided she would not appeal against her sentence, saying she could not face appearing in court again.
She eventually agreed to appeal after her family pleaded with her.
"The court is like a circus. It's ritual humiliation. I really did not want to appeal."
When the appeal court decision was announced last week, Sandiford was again offered medication by the prison doctor but refused it.
"Even though they want to medicate me I don't want it," she said.
"I can't sleep. I get flashbacks. I have anxiety and panic attacks and depression. I have good days and bad days.
"But I'm trying to find a way to deal with it and a way to deal with it is if you feel the pain you know you're still here. If you don't feel anything, that's the time to worry. I don't want to go into that fog – that tablet dependency where you don't feel anything."
Sandiford now has until a week on Thursday to lodge an appeal with the Supreme Court in Jakarta, Indonesia's highest court. If that fails, her only hope is to make a plea for presidential clemency.
Describing how it feels to be under sentence of death, Sandiford said: "It feels surreal. "It feels like it isn't me. I know what it is and I know what the consequences are. They will take me out and shoot me one day. That's what they're going to do."
As her lawyer prepares her Supreme Court appeal, Sandiford passes her time in the cell she shares with 13 other women teaching her fellow inmates how to knit.
She wards off dark moods with gallows humour.
Asked what goods she would like brought to prison from outside, she replied: 'Marlboro Lights, dark chocolate, Band Aid plasters and a helicopter with in-flight service."
The friendship of her fellow inmates and kindness of prison guards has been a source of strength, she said, as well as messages from her family and her 26-year-old Indian boyfriend, with whom she says she is in regular contact.
"I can't tell you how much support I've had," she said.
"The prison authorities have been outstandingly humane and concerned and caring. I am in a God-awful situation but other than the fact I am in an overcrowded cell they couldn't have been more kind to me. If they offered me a prisoner transfer (to the UK) I wouldn't take it.
"The girls in the women's block and the prison officers are very shocked at what has happened to me and have been incredibly kind.
"They have allowed me to have a proper mattress and a chair. One of the prisoners even made me a chair because of my arthritis. Lots of people ponder about life and death and God and there are no clear answers of course. That's the truth of it. My philosophy is that if there is a God, I hope he will know I was a half-decent person who never tried to do anyone any harm. If there isn't I will know I am and that for me is enough."
Sandiford said she feared her Supreme Court appeal – for which her family is trying to raise £8,000 – was doomed. She said the judges would not want to embarrass Indonesia by overturning the decisions of lower courts in such a high-profile case. "They are never going to let me go. I am a political pawn now. I know that," she said.
Printed from the Mail on Sunday.
Speaking from her cell in the notorious Kerobokan prison, Lindsay Sandiford told The Mail on Sunday: "I would rather have the death sentence than a life sentence.
"I don't want to get old and decrepit in here . . . at least a bullet is quick."
The 56-year-old's extraordinary plea came after her appeal against her sentence was rejected on Monday, a decision which has been roundly condemned as "bizarre and unjust".
Sandiford, who used in live in Hester's Way and Warden Hill, was arrested last May after flying to Bali from Bangkok carrying 10.6lb of cocaine, worth £1.6 million.
In the interview – conducted through intermediaries at the prison – she said: "I've got arthritis now.
"What will I be like in ten years' time when I can't walk?
"Sometimes I think, 'Let them get on with it.' I have had a lot of fun in my life. I've been to a lot of places, done a lot of things and I've met a lot of interesting people.
"I've got no regrets. I could be dying of cancer or something horrible and prolonged."
After her arrest, Sandiford co-operated with police in a sting operation that led to the capture of the conspiracy's alleged ringleaders. But while she was sentenced to death in January, three other Britons – Julian Ponder, 43, Paul Beale, 40, and Ponder's partner Rachel Dougall, 38 – who were said to have organised the shipment, were jailed only for up to six years.
Trafficking charges against Ponder and Beale were dropped and they were sentenced to six and four years respectively for possession of drugs, while Dougall is due to walk free next month after a one-year term for failing to report a crime.
Sandiford's appeal to Bali's High Court against her sentence was rejected despite written pleas from the Foreign Office and former Director of Public Prosecutions Lord Macdonald, who described the discrepancies in sentencing as "unfathomable".
Sandiford, who is originally from Redcar, Teesside, passes her time on death row – where sweltering temperatures reach 95F – knitting jumpers for friends and family back home.
And despite the crushing High Court rejection, she says she doesn't want any sympathy.
"What I did was wrong and I should be punished for it," she said.
"But I cooperated with the police, and I should get the lowest sentence. Legally, morally – any way you look at it, it is just wrong.
"When I cooperated with the police, they told me I was going into witness protection and that Interpol would look after my boys. They just lied to me.
"Telling the truth doesn't help here because you just get the death penalty. I helped the Indonesian police. The next person who gets caught isn't going to say anything."
Ironically, the High Court ruling cites as a reason for upholding the death penalty the fact that Sandiford was involved in an international drug smuggling operation with other expatriates – yet it makes no mention of the light sentences given to her co-conspirators. And shockingly, Sandiford's family in Britain learnt of the rejection of her appeal on television news in the UK before she or her lawyer knew, thanks to the decision being leaked by court officials to local journalists.
"The whole world knew before I knew," she said.
"I got a message from my son Eliot saying, 'They are all b******s.' I replied, 'What are you on about, son?'
"When I spoke to him, he was crying his heart out and my family was distraught. It was all over the morning news in the UK but no one had thought to tell me."
Later on Monday, Sandiford was sent a text message from the British embassy's local representative in Bali confirming the news.
It was in stark contrast to the chaotic January day when the judge handed down the death sentence. Recalling the day, she described how those around her appeared to be more upset and shocked than she was.
"The judge read out the decision in Indonesian and my translator didn't tell me what the sentence was. I thought I had got 15 years [the prosecution's recommendation],' she said.'
"There were newspaper reports afterwards saying that I cried and that I shouted 'no, no, no' when the sentence was delivered.
"In fact, it was the prosecutor who was crying and it was my sister Hilary who shouted out.
As I went out of the court, the prosecutor had his arm around me and he was pushing reporters away and he kept saying, "I'm so sorry."
It was a BBC reporter who told me I had the death penalty.
"I just thought, 'Oh bloody hell. Have I really got death?' It was only later on that I thought, 'How did that happen?'"
In the days that followed, Sandiford was prescribed Valium and sleeping pills by the prison doctor at Kerobokan.
What I couldn't stand was the look on people's faces," she said. "Nobody could look at me and no one knew what to say to me.
"I wanted someone to make a joke. That's what I really wanted. But people had no idea what to say or they say completely the wrong thing."
Sandiford initially decided she would not appeal against her sentence, saying she could not face appearing in court again.
She eventually agreed to appeal after her family pleaded with her.
"The court is like a circus. It's ritual humiliation. I really did not want to appeal."
When the appeal court decision was announced last week, Sandiford was again offered medication by the prison doctor but refused it.
"Even though they want to medicate me I don't want it," she said.
"I can't sleep. I get flashbacks. I have anxiety and panic attacks and depression. I have good days and bad days.
"But I'm trying to find a way to deal with it and a way to deal with it is if you feel the pain you know you're still here. If you don't feel anything, that's the time to worry. I don't want to go into that fog – that tablet dependency where you don't feel anything."
Sandiford now has until a week on Thursday to lodge an appeal with the Supreme Court in Jakarta, Indonesia's highest court. If that fails, her only hope is to make a plea for presidential clemency.
Describing how it feels to be under sentence of death, Sandiford said: "It feels surreal. "It feels like it isn't me. I know what it is and I know what the consequences are. They will take me out and shoot me one day. That's what they're going to do."
As her lawyer prepares her Supreme Court appeal, Sandiford passes her time in the cell she shares with 13 other women teaching her fellow inmates how to knit.
She wards off dark moods with gallows humour.
Asked what goods she would like brought to prison from outside, she replied: 'Marlboro Lights, dark chocolate, Band Aid plasters and a helicopter with in-flight service."
The friendship of her fellow inmates and kindness of prison guards has been a source of strength, she said, as well as messages from her family and her 26-year-old Indian boyfriend, with whom she says she is in regular contact.
"I can't tell you how much support I've had," she said.
"The prison authorities have been outstandingly humane and concerned and caring. I am in a God-awful situation but other than the fact I am in an overcrowded cell they couldn't have been more kind to me. If they offered me a prisoner transfer (to the UK) I wouldn't take it.
"The girls in the women's block and the prison officers are very shocked at what has happened to me and have been incredibly kind.
"They have allowed me to have a proper mattress and a chair. One of the prisoners even made me a chair because of my arthritis. Lots of people ponder about life and death and God and there are no clear answers of course. That's the truth of it. My philosophy is that if there is a God, I hope he will know I was a half-decent person who never tried to do anyone any harm. If there isn't I will know I am and that for me is enough."
Sandiford said she feared her Supreme Court appeal – for which her family is trying to raise £8,000 – was doomed. She said the judges would not want to embarrass Indonesia by overturning the decisions of lower courts in such a high-profile case. "They are never going to let me go. I am a political pawn now. I know that," she said.
Printed from the Mail on Sunday.
