I AM not going to be able to play this weekend.
Unfortunately the fact is my shoulder is not quite right.
I desperately wanted to play this game, just for a bit of personal closure for the end of my season, I suppose.
If I had played a match I would have been going into pre-season on a level playing field with everyone else.
But I need to do some more strengthening work on it yet.
I will continue to come in during the off-season to keep building it up, and to get it as strong as I can for pre-season.
It's a game that's just come too soon for me.
I don't need a rest physically, because it's not as though my body is battered from playing.
But I will need a mental break at some point. I will get a change of scenery for a week over the close season.
It's been a big mental challenge to get my head around this injury, so I do need a break but not a long one, and I'll be careful to get that balance right.
I haven't played since November, and I have been fighting all that time to return this season.
It hasn't happened, which is a frustration, but it's imperative now that I am in top condition by the start of pre-season.
There could have been an opportunity for me to be involved with the Barbarians in their match against the British Lions.
I don't think I'll go ahead with that now.
I would feel guilty, because I haven't played for Gloucester – so all of a sudden taking off for the BaaBaas would feel wrong.
I just want to get myself 100 per cent fit for Gloucester for next season, I've got some games to make up on for this year.
I'm just going to get as fit as I can this end.
Had I gone into the end of the season fit and in form then it could have been a fantastic challenge.
But it just doesn't feel right, there's no two ways about it in my mind, so I'm going to crack on and get ready for next season.
IT'S A SHREWD DECISION TO KEEP ALEX ON BOARD ALEX Brown staying at Gloucester as rugby operations manager works out well for everyone. It's great for Alex that he can stay after his shoulder injury forced him into premature retirement. But it's a good step for the club too, because he will be excellent in the role. Aside from his abilities in the role, he's honest, open and a good bloke. He's not being kept on out of loyalty either – he will offer expertise in a number of different areas. Nigel Davies' ethos is definitely to promote internal progress within the club. And appointing Alex builds continuity, strength in the environment, and it strengthens Gloucester all-round. Guys who have played for ten years and more at the club, then stay on, they grow the environment and it gives it more scope. It's very wise by Nigel. I've given him praise in the columns this season, and this is another shrewd move here I think. It must have been very tough to suffer a career-ending injury during your benefit year. But Alex has handled it all with dignity and pride. A James Bond-themed ball at Hartpury College on May 25 is one of the central events for his benefit. After a turbulent year for Alex, I would urge as many people as possible to support the event. So for more information log on to www.alexbrown-.co.uk WE'VE HAD A GOOD SEASON AND MADE PROGRESS THERE has to be an element of frustration that we haven't reached the Premiership play-offs this season. It's good that we're frustrated about that. To finish in the top four we really needed to beat London Irish at home and Sale away. I don't want to say we didn't deserve a top-four finish, but with defeats like that we've effectively made our own bed. And that's where the frustration comes from. I hope that comes across as fair and reasoned – I'm certainly not trying to be negative. We've had a good overall season, we're making progress and it's great to be back in the Heineken Cup for next season. It might be the end of the season but it's not time to ease off. We've got to produce a performance to be proud of against one of our local rivals. And we want to finish the season in the manner we have been almost all year – tough and gritty. So Nigel Davies has said to us this week 'enjoy the challenge of trying to finish the season on a high'.