We all have fears and feel nervous in some situations. This can stem from a childhood fear or a particularly upsetting incident. Sometimes this can become so difficult that it stops us doing things.
For example, a road accident could put us off driving for a while; a life long
fear of spiders could stop us picking one up at home. A fear of flying makes holidays abroad impossible.
If a fear is disruptive and you want to overcome it, there are several sensible and practical steps you can take.
a) Tell yourself 'its ok to be afraid'
We all have fears. Its not stupid or weak. Telling yourself 'its ok to have a fear' and 'it can go away', helps us to sort it out.
b) Get nearer the fear, step-by-step
The key is to think of really small steps which begin to get you nearer what youre afraid of. The phobic driver can sit in a car in an empty car park and drive it around slowly.
The spider phobic can look at pictures of spiders while relaxing. The fearful flyer can learn what the aircraft noises mean.
c) Be logical about the risk
The chance of something bad happening is usually very low. Telling yourself this helps to reduce anxiety when thinking about or being near to what youre afraid of.
d) Visualize calmness in the difficult situation
Close your eyes and think about being calm and relaxed. We all have this skill. Now use this whenever you think about your fear or get close to it.
e)Put it all together and 'climb the ladder'
See yourself as a sensible person who can, bit-by-bit, approach or re-expose yourself to what youre afraid of. Use logical thoughts to reduce the feeling of risk and visulaise and practice relaxing and being calm.
Most everyday fears can be overcome or reduced in intensity. Talk to a friend about this and have a go at feeling a little more confident about facing your fear by taking a small, 'next step'
- let me know how it goes.
Hugh Koch
'Active Steps towards Wellbeing' is a programme of small, practical everyday tips and techniques.