BOXING DAY SALES? I WON'T DRINK TO THAT
Fortunately for me, the irreplaceable Mrs Kirby does 99% of our Christmas shopping because I simply cannot face the annual madness that overcomes people in the run-up to the festivities. Kids crying, parents harassed, queues longer than the M5, no wonder so many are opting for online shopping these days.
Of course, some people make matters worse by filling trollies with stuff they never buy at any other time of year and chuck a great deal of it, unopened, into the bin a couple of days later. For example, what my grandmother used to call 'egg-flip', or more correctly named, Advocaat. When I was a kid, no Christmas was complete without what looked to me like a bottle of sick on the table and I don't remember anyone drinking it, but Nan always bought it. Apparently, Advocaat is a Dutch liqueur, made from a rich, creamy blend of unpasteurised egg yolks, sugar, aromatic spirits and grape brandy, with a hint of vanilla. Its strength is similar to that of fortified wine. But who actually drinks it, apart from the Dutch?
Another thing that we, as a nation, cannot do without at this time of year is 'the sales'.
No matter how many people try to avoid trailing around the shops, there's no shortage of punters hoping to bag a bargain at the Boxing Day sales, which seem to have been busier than ever this year.
I put it down to some kind of collective insanity. Normally sensible people sleep on the pavement outside shops in order to fight their way in as soon as the store opens and buy something they don't really need, at a price that proves it was grossly overpriced in the first place. It seems to be more a case of people seeing the Boxing Day sales part of the Christmas tradition than a serious shopping expedition.
But I suppose that's what a British Christmas is all about – doing things you wouldn't normally do and spending vast amounts of money on things nobody really needs. That's the way it's been for as long as I can remember and probably always will be.
QATADA TA VERY MUCH
Another regular feature of this time of year is that we are asked to remember the plight of the homeless as well as give a helping hand to elderly people who live alone and may be unable to afford heating over the Christmas and New Year period.
Yet at the same time, hate preacher Abu Qatada, who we cannot kick out of the country because the European Court of Human Rights said he would not receive a fair trial at home, is getting taxpayer-funded treatment that pensioners can only dream of.
Qatada is living in a £450,000 three-bedroom house in north London. The £1,400 a month rent is paid by us, along with his £500,000 legal aid bill and £100,000 a week for him and his family to be monitored round-the clock by security staff.
This must be a great comfort to everyone who stays on the right side of the law and struggled to have a few luxuries at Christmas. We're all in it together, but some of us are deeper in it than others.
DANCING INTO TROUBLE?
I didn't plan it, but this weeks' theme seems to be all about tradition, and long may the tradition of Mummers and Morris dancing continue. Once again, a Mummers show took place outside Gloucester Cathedral on Boxing Day, featuring 'good guys' Father Christmas, Robin Wood, King George and the Doctor and 'baddies' such as Beelzebub and the 'Turkish Knight'. But with Turkey hoping to join the EU, and the chance of Mummers being accused of racism, the Knight's days may be numbered!
BEST WISHES
Just one last tradition – I wish everyone a happy New Year and let's hope it will be drier than this one.
